Today, after rehearsal for The Tempest, Mark and I and a few students taped the set, which is kind of like taping up a box before you send it post overseas. All the seams, edges and joints between flats have to be covered with gaffers tape so that the set is "waterproofed" and can be painted. Taping also cuts down on the instance of an entering or exiting actor catching a toe on a stray edge of masonite. It was a good feeling to be done with that; as I stood back, looking at the neat pattern of boxes and rectangles on the stage, I felt very satisfied. All the edges were straight, all the tape ends pressed down.

Edges are helpful to me. When I can see an edge of something, I know where to go next, like filling in a puzzle after you've got the border pieced together. But I'm kind of compulsive; I can't handle rough edges. They make me feel unsettled and confused about where to go next. I painted my bathroom last week--bright red. I love the color, and I think it makes our bathroom a warmer and friendlier place than the former beigey-white did. But all I can see are the edges where I messed up, the blobs, blotches, and streaks of stray paint that made their way around the corner of a wall, or onto the ceiling or baseboard.

Directing this play is a lot like that. I have an image in my brain of what I want the play to "be" in its final form, but I don't know all the steps to get there. I wish I had an outline of "things to do"--that would feel like a nice edge for me. But all I can do now is complete the next task. When a scene feels good, I move to the next one, and as the play takes shape, I might go back to the scenes that we thought we had "good," and rework them. It's a fun, messy process--and sometimes it's scary, and sometimes it's exhilarating.

Last week I talked to my life-coach, Janice. She said my expectations of myself and of everyone around me are too high, and that I need to practice throwing all my expectations out the window. I think she's right. Those rough edges in life are getting to me, and just like the play, when I don't have something outlined from the beginning, instead of trying to think it through and make all the edges in my mind straight before I start, I just need to throw myself at it, and start "doing." Sometimes taking the next step is the only way to get to the end.

I also need to take a few breaths, hang a picture or two, and enjoy my nice red wall.